|Posted by Captain's blog on July 31, 2010 at 11:02 AM|
"How to talk so your Kids will Listen and Listen so your kids will talk" is by NY Times best selling authors Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish. It is a couple of experienced mothers giving advice on how to engage cooperation from the kiddos. For example get rid of the blame, the name-calling, the threats, commands, and lectures, the warnings and prophecies, the martyrdom syndrome. Replace these with informative descriptions of what the problem is. Say it with a single word if you can. They really give you a script of how to sound more like a mother. For example if you can, instead of arguing or lecturing say, "Wyatt- shoes." and with those two little words get him to pick his shoes up out of the middle of the living room floor and put them away then you have effectively engaged co-operation without threatening, begging, pleading, or yelling. They give you tips on "how" to say it as well as "what". For example when a child is trying to tell you something stop what you're doing and look at them, even if you could hear them just fine already. They really help you sound more like a mother. Here's an example:
Child: Can I go over to Suzy's now?
Instead of "No, you can't."
Give the facts.
"We're having dinner in five minutes."
With that information, a child might tell herself, "I guess I can't go now."